Heart Hugs Dear One! Change is hard and takes time! Am wishing you the best with any changes that YOU want to make!

  Love You!,

     Jewel

flippen adorable.. i wanna steal! ha :P

I don't know the cost of living where you are, so it may be entirely different than here.  But, around here you can find a decent place for about 400 a month plus utilities.  You could probably even find a place for about 350 plus utilities if you know the right places to look.  Location is also important.  You don't drive (right?) so places being in walking distance or or close to a bus stop will be important.  For cable plus internet we pay $129/month currently.  But we also have extended channels.  Maybe if you got only basic cable it would be cheaper.  Don't forget about the cost of food though either and other small expenses like for your pet.  You should DEFINITELY look into HUD.  They will be able to assist you with finding a place and that would be a great start.  Hope I've helped some!

Yes I agree with the first comment.  Why can't you go to the doctor whose name is on the card?

And I'm glad you are going to be moving out!!!!  You need to.  I think it will be so much healthier for you to be out on your own.

  Heart hugs Dear One! Congrats on moving out soon..That will be soooooooooooooo much better for you! I pray that you enjoy your new home and dog!

  Have a Blessed day!

  I love you!,

      Jewel

I hope everything goes well!

And just remember that whatever the doctor says is for the best :-)

YAY! be sure to let us know how it goes! My prayers are with you!

 Love you!

Talk to your doctor...
its not a great way to lose weight. work out a diet with your doctor, join a gym, a weight loss program.
Bypass should be the LAST option.

I honestly would NOT get gastric bypass.  I have heard that the new gastric lap band is MUCH safer.  Many people have died from gastric and SOOOO MANY have had several complications.  Honestly.  My mom worked with a woman who had it and had to have some sort of bag attached to her for over a year because she kept draining everywhere.  Another woman was constantly sick and had dirrahea every single day. 

Look up stories.  You will find a lot of success stories, but a startling amount of horror stories.  I'd do your homework on this.  And I highly recommend you look into lap banding.

*BIG HUGS*

[imadreamer77]

(((((((((((((((((Metallee)))))))))))) Sorry that you had an attack! Glad that you were able to talk yourself down! That is major progress!

  Have a Blessed day!

 Love You!,

       Jewel

Amen to God being amazing!  I'm soooooooo very glad that your faith is growing!

 YAY for getting your SSI! Praises be to God!

 I have a meeting about mine on Monday...Please say a prayer for me! THANKS!

 Sending Much Love Your Way!,

        Jewel

You should start walking when it gets warmer. It's a good way to clear your head (if that's possible lol) and loose weight without really trying. So far I've lost 41 pounds from running/jogging/walking and eating right. Hope things get better love<3

Raven

As long as you have a proper intake of liquids, preferably water, a fast really isn't all that dangerous as long as it is only for a day or two.  And fasting actually can be healthy.  It's a form of cleansing.  So don't worry about hurting your body because only a day won't hurt you.  It's only when it becomes an obsession and the person stops eating all together.

[xstarlesseyes]

(((((((((((((((((((Metallee)))))))))))))))))))  I'm sooooooooo very sorry that they said those VERY HURTFUL things to you! That would hurt any of us!

    Makes me sad to think of you being treated that way.

    Much LOVE!!!!!!!,

        Jewel

"I can't stop over eatting. Im so addicted to food. Its like a drug." It is a drug. It is called "High Fructose Corn Syrup". It increases your appatite making you hungrier and is addictive, also making you eat more.

Also try to avoid partially hydrogentated oils, nitrates and nitrites. Artificial sweeteners are also bad, and some so called diet pops can actually keep you from losing weight because of these artificial sweeteners. Real sugar is better than all of them put together. Or you could use Stevia, also called Truvia, which is better than sugar.

oooohstars..lol.

uh, well um. i bite mytongue too. not @night but when im usually thinking hard or im really nervous..idk if thats any of your reasons...althou im pretty sure if you knew why, you'd kno how to stop. but anyway. try using an alarm clock?lol.

(((((((((((((((9Metallee))))))))))) I am soooooooo very happy to read this entry...Praising God for leading you to the right doctor- she knows what she is doing..YAY - this is such a blessing!!!!!

    YAY for getting your insurance..that must be such a BIG relief...

   I'm so very proud fo you for all of the healing work that you are doing and for NEVER giving up!

  Be proud of YOURSELF..You ARE getting your life back.

   Much Love always,

         Jewel

(((((((((((((((((Metallee)))))))))) My thoughts and prayers are STRONGLY with you through this hard and trying time..I also have an appointment for my SSI this month...Am a bit nervous about it. 

  Much Love,

       Jewel

Hay, I haven't been on here much so I haven't been of much support, but if you need some tips about loosing weight the healthy way I'd be glad to help. I've lost 40 pounds since June08. Other than that I hope your new doctor turns out to be nice. You can always talk to us...aka me if you need to get something off your chest<3

Have a good one =)

Raven

Do you have much support in your weight loss?  It seems like you feel so alone :-(

You need to check this out okay?  www.dailystrength.com.  That site has helped me a lot.  Go to the obesity support group.  That is the one I'm apart of.  I really like it and I think it could help you out.  They have TONS of other support groups on there as well so you could look into ones for depression too.

You need to take care of yourself okay?

The twilight book is really popular...I wish that I could be interested enough to read. Anyway, I hope that your new therapist works out...

Twilight is the best!  And so are all the other books from Stephenie Meyer...New Moon, Eclipse, Breaking Dawn, and her sci fi book The Host.  I reccomend every single one!

~Tons of love

*HUGS*  I'm proud of you :)

<3

((((((((((((((9Metallee)))))))))) Thank YOU for sharing with me what the meeting was like...YAY God for guiding you to such nice and caring people.

  I'm proud of  you for going!

  Have a Blessed day!

  Love you!,

      Jewel

 How did it all go? I'm proud of you for going!!!!!

 Love, Hugs and Prayers!,

       Jewel

(((((((((((((9Metallee))))))))))) I'm so proud of you for going to see your therapist and for asking for anxiety meds..they have truly helped me sooooooooooo very much!

  I'm praying that your New Year will be filled with Stability and Joy!

  I love you!,

     Jewel

P.S. Please be sure to let me know how your appointments went!

Merry Christmas Dear One!

  I love you!,

      Jewel

Merry Christmas

Spiritsfire

((((((((((((((9Metallee)))))))))) Hugs for your fright! That was scarey! Glad the cats have you to care for them and show them love!

  Love you!,

      Jewel

(((((((((((((((Metallee)))))))))))))) I'm sorry to read that you are feeling lonely and down..I've been going through that too- I had a new med added to my list!

    Praying that Your Christmas and New Year are filled with Love, Peace, Stability and Joy!

    I love you!,

       Jewel

We love you and support you, I have faith in you dear friend.

~Tons of love

You are VERY welcome! What did you decide about your meds?

  I love you!,

     Jewel

I really liked the video!  And there is no need to thank us.  We care about you and that's why we offer advice.

:-)

STAY ON THE MEDS...Talk to your doctor about how you are feeling!

   Love you!,

      Jewel

Talk to your doctor about all of this, they can help you with everything!  When you have what you have, you have to have medications to keep you stable and maybe these aren't the right ones for you, but you have to hang in there and find the right ones.  I know that's easier said than done because I have been through it, but you can do this...I believe in you.  *Hugs*

~Tons of love

You definitley shouldn't just stop them all cold turkey.  That will REALLY screw your body up.  If anything, ask if you can switch medications.  There is so much medicine out there that you should be able to find one that you wouldn't have to take a whole lot of.  So I would just discuss different medication at a lower dose plus counseling.  But just remember-if you have a chemical imbalance in your brain that causes your depression, therapy alone isn't going to do the trick.

Take care <33

*HUGS*

~Tons of love

First I must agree that Twilight was totally amazing.  Have you read the books yet?  If you haven't you really really should. 

As far as weight goes, I'm in the same boat as you.  I've gained so much that it's scaring me and my back is just a horrible mess.  It is so impossible to even get the willpower, ya know?  Ugh.  It's hard.  But I'm praying for you.  I know things will get better for you.

It gets better sweetie, I know this from experience.  You have to find something that works for you, what would make you happy and what would make you proud of yourself?  You are doing good with the counseling, counseling takes time, lots of time.  You need to think more highly of yourself, you are a kind, beautiful and sweet hearted person.  I know you are smart and I know you can do this thing called life.  It won't always be easy, but the good times make it worth it.  Find confidence in yourself dear one, you can do this.  Blessings to you!

~Tons of love

((((((((((((((Metallee))))))))))))) These are the thoughts of depression...Every one who has a bout with Major depression thinks this way- KNOW that it is the illness and that the illness lies to us.

    God say in His word tat He has a good plan for our futures.."Plans to Prosper us"....Jesus instructed us "to let TODAYS' worries be enough for TODAY"...Try to stay in the present and to follow God's Guidance-ONE STEP AT A TIME.

   and Yes, we WOULD CARE GREATLY!

   I love you and am praying for you!,

                Jewel

I love love love Ghost Hunters!  Woo!!!  I watched Live too.

Too educated to believe in God?  Wow...ha.  To each his own I suppose

((((((((((((((Metallee)))))))))))))) Thank YOU for the sweet and loving note!  Hearing from you added Joy to my day!

   It does sound to me as though your conselor is being too hard on you and expecting too much from you right now... Especially while you are still battling your depression...Please don't allow it to make you feel bad...Just pick one thing and work on that...Like improving in drinking water or taking the walks...Know that we can celebrate each step of progress and we DON'T have to try to do it perfectly- we couldn't if we tried!

     I hope that you won't stop taking your meds...You would get VERY sick!

   I'm here...I'm praying for you and I love you!,

                      Jewel

((((((((((((((Metallee)))))))))))))))  Stick in there- It IS helping and will continue to do so.

   Much Love,

         Jewel

Maybe you need to seek another counselor. If this one isn't helping you then move on from this one. You can't give up. No matter what happens, you will always be with you. Try to find comfort in who you are and don't worry about other people, at least not until you find a way to accept yourself as you are...

its kind of ironic, how the people closest to us are the ones that know so little about what's really going on with us. I'm pretty different from my family. If kids were meant to be like their parents, we'd use cloning instead of reproduction. And your counselor shouldn't expect you to improve daily. Recovery comes at a different rate for everybody. Just because you don't improve daily doesn't mean you're going backward. You should only quit counseling if you feel like its hurting you more than its helping you. I think you should stick with it. Everybody can be helped as long as they're ready to accept help. And I think that it would really benefit you to have somebody just listen to you and provide support when needed. I would be more than happy to be that person. Because more often than not, that's all people really need in most cases.

(((((((((((((((Metallee))))))))))) When I was first diagnosed..I was diagnosed with Post traumtic stress disorder, Generalized anxiety disorder with panic attacks, bipolar and Seasonal Effective disorder...I'm doing sooo much better now -thanks to meds and therapy!

   You are a VERY strong person to have dealt with all of this unmedicated...and your life WILL continue to get better- though we all have our off days.

  Hang in there DearOne!

 Know that I send you MUCH LOVE ,

             Jewel

I have everything you have sweetie, so I know how hard it can be.  I'm glad you had a good session, I have one today too and am hoping it goes well :)  Good luck with the rest of your forms.  *Hugs*

~Tons of love

(((((((((((((((Metallee))))))))))))))) Hugs of comfort and warmth...

  I came here to check in on you as soon as I saw your note..Thank YOU for letting me know how you are doing

  You are so wise to know that you need to talk to your therapist and be honet about how you are feeling..It does sound that you need your dosage adjusted. 

   That's how I feel at times when I am depressed..Like I just want and need to sleep..for me, that's always a sign that I need my meds increased.

  Update soon or drop me a note and let me know how you are today.

  Much Love and Many Prayers are being sent your way.

   Love,

     Jewel 

(((((((((((((((Metallee))))))))))))  I pray that you are feeling better by now..Please update soon or drop me a note and let me know how you are doing! I love you and am praying for you! Jewel

Perhaps you could get it checked out just to be sure if that would help you to feel better and fear is not a good thing as it could increase your stress level of course. Perhaps it is possible that this too could be a side effect of abilify...and not a tumor necessarily. I suggest you give your physician a call on Monday. Not all physical symptoms experienced are necessarily a side effect of medication either. It is best also to speak to your doctor about this to make sure, there are many many disorders that can cause twitching and weakness. Follow up with your primary doctor first, and ask them what they think you should do. Usually, they are good at coordinating care and it is best not to wait. Have they checked your electrolytes lately? Do you have any medical conditions that could maybe cause problems too? Make a list of all these things, for when you speak to the doctor. Also, write down a list of questions to ask so you won't be reluctant to ask or forget when you see one. Best of wishes, and hope you get rid of that phantom smell soon...

[HurtingTruth]

hm, sounds weird. is the smell really strong? I would just mention it to you theorpist and see what he says<3

Sorry, that was me. I'm your stalker.

(Kidding!)

Dear Metallee,

  YOU ARE PRECIOUS IN GOD'S SIGHT AND IN MINE!

  I'm sorry that your mom can not understand- I went through years of that with my mom and daughter..My daughter still doesn't understadn and I know how their judgements can hurt!

  Thank YOU so much for the note letting me know how it went.

  Sending some hugs and love your way!,

           Jewel

(((((((((((Metallee))))))))) YAY for going to your appointments...Please be sure to let me know how they go...

  Praying for you faithfully!

  I love you too!,

         Jewel

((((((((((((((Metallee))))))))))) I wish that you could see how big this entry has me smiling! YAY YAY YAY !

 Your good days make me so very happy! I'm so proud of you for getting treatment..Things will continue to get better!

   I love you!,

        Jewel

If you don't me asking, what have you been diagnosed with psychologically?

To me it still doesn't sound like OCD. With OCD you get a thought in your head for instance that if you touch something you'll get sick and you compulsively wash your hands over that, and what you're describing doesn't sound like that.

Usually when you hear voices, it's just a voice like someone is in the room with you telling you something. It could be any gender. To me it sounds like depression that's getting worse, which is why you don't feel like therapy is going to work and the reason for the other negative thoughts about yourself. It does sound like you have some paranoia because of the other thoughts that something bad is going to happen or that you're physically going to hurt someone, that can lead back to depression though too. How long have these thoughts been happening?

You will be missed. Hurry back soon.

Spiritsfire

Aww, this was such a sweet and pretty entry!  You're welcome :)

~Tons of love

Don't give up on your counselor. He/She can help you through tough times.

About seeing and hearing things, I think some people have a gift for seeing things that other people can't, and they call this pschysophrenia. I believe in different dimmensions and I think that things can manifest themselves to people that have more of the hormone called DMT. Don't fear what you might see or hear and if it really bothers you, there are drugs that will help you cope and make the images go away.

Take Magnesium. My brother is schizophrenic and he controls it with magnesium.

Spiritsfire

Yes, it sounds to me like you might have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, that's what I thought of when I read this.  I have a slight case of it so I understand how much of a burden it can be.  But, I am not a doctor so you should definitely let your doctor and therapist read what you wrote, it would help them a lot to know all of these details.  You're going to be fine I know it, with the right medicines and help you can get through, and you are off to a great start seeing your counselor and reaching out for help.  I'm rooting for you!

~Tons of love

DearOne,

  It is NOT NOT NOT your fault that you have bipolar disorder! The illness is telling you that and making you feel that way...You are a sweet, loving and love-able soul..I love you!

((((((((((((Metallee)))))))))) YAY for taking such a BIG step by yourself...Go YOU! Go God! Remember thta go dis with you each and every step of the way!

 I'm sooooo proud of you for the PROGRESS that you ARE making!

  Hang in there Dear One!

  I love you!,

   Jewel

My Prayers are with you!

I'm so proud of you :)

~Tons of love

((((((((((Metallee)))))))))))) Those are the symptoms of depression...I go there too when my meds need worked with...Be kind to yourself!!!!! This too shall pass and eventually YOU WILL FEEL BETTER!

    Love and Prayers,

          Jewel

((((METALEE)))

May the Lord always keep you close to him and bless you with better things...

I am glad you will be getting SSI, and I will keep praying for your medical card too.

[HurtingTruth]

(((((((((((((((Metallee))))))))))) Praying over your medical card..Praying that you continue to feel better!

 MUCH LOVE,

       Jewel

Aww metallee, I will pray for you... I am sorry you are in so much pain.

Peace and blessings

Michelle

((((((((((((9Metallee)))))))))) People who haven't been through bipolar can never truly understand it...God has given us each other for that...You ARE NOT on this journey alone..I AM here with YOU!

    You are NOT a burden - You are the creation and daughter of God!

   PLEASE NEVER GIVE UP- The right meds WILL make a world of difference...It takes time and trial and error to find them- I know it gets frustrating but someday it will have been worth it!

   MUCH LOVE,

        Jewel

((((Metalee)))

You are not a bum and you are not a waste. You are beautiful and Jeweliet is right. You are one of God's most precious gifts. No one ever said this would be easy. You are not alone either. You are not the only one with this kind of illness. It is life altering and turns your whole world upside down. It is a struggle every day until you can find some balance. Nothing is ever perfect Metallee, but sometimes it take the right medicine, or friend, or whatever that may be to really make things more manageable. Whatever you do, I ask that you hang in there. Perhaps finding something you really enjoy that feels like a safe thing to do would be a good start. You could even do it from home and maybe ask your mom if she would like to join in with you. What are your interests? What do you love to do the most?

Just a thought....Peace Metalee

Michelle

((((((((((((((9Metallee)))))))))))) You are NOT worthless...YOU ARE GOD'S PRECIOUS CHILD AND HE LOVES YOU VERY,VERY MUCH!

    You are a person who is struggling with a serious illneess that is NOT her fault...You are a person seeking treatment and trying to get better..for that you are very strong!

   Know that I LOVE YOU DEARLY,

                Jewel

Dear Sweet Metallee,

   I wanted to leave you a note to assure you that you did NOT trigger me!   I promise!

   I am very proud of you for getting your treatment and taking your meds!   I KNOW that you are trying hard to get stable..I know how very hard and scarey all of this can be...Remember I was, where you are. I am at a better place now and you WILL get there to.

  I want to be there to support you on this journey..Feel free to email me at jewelietsparkles@hotmail.com   of you ever want to talk in private.

  It's okay to talk honestly about your suicidal thoughts...Remember they are a lie of the illness!  Our brains get out of whack and we think horrid thoughts because of it..It's NOT the real you...Things WILL get better.

    Know that I am here and that I love you!,

                 Jewel

(((((((((((((((Metallee))))))))))))))) I don't feel that you are on a good med combination- but I am not a doctor..

 I USE to have ALL of the SAME thoughts that you are having...But those thoughts are the LIES of Bipolar illness.....I too got tired and frustrated and hopeless in the process of finding the right doctors and combination of meds...But we can NEVER give up- God has so many GREAT things instore for us..He has PROMISED in HIS WORD!

    You will have a life...You are much stronger than you know- One has to be strong in order to survive bipolar.

    I can not do all of the things that you wish to do...But we must focus on what we can do not on what we can't at this moment...God will enable us to do more and more as time goes on.

   I will pray that you get the medical card and can get a better doctor and therapist!

    Please stay in touch with me as I love you and want to be here to show you support..I HAVE BEEN WHERE YOU ARE...Life DOES get MUCH BETTER with the right meds..I PROMISE.

   Let me know how you are today.

   I love you!,

        Jewel

Dear Metallee,

  Thank YOU sooo much for the note and the love!

  I asked about your meds because some meds can cause symptoms...Please call your doctor and tell them what you are experiencing and let me know what meds you are on.

   I'm here and I love you!,

            Jewel

The medicine you are on may be making you have these suicidal thoughts and other side effects.  Tell your doctor immediately!!  You're in my thoughts, hang in there...I've been there and through it all so if I can make it out I know you can too.

~Tons of love

One more thing...never stop taking your medicine or cutting back without medical supervision. All these things should be discussed with your doctor and they can properly adjust everything for you to make sure you don't end up feeling even worse.

[HurtingTruth]

It will be ok Metallee. The fact that you were brave enough to even reach out on here says how strong a person you really are. Some medications can make some people's thought processes all screwy. There are other medications out there to try if need be and the doctor can help you find something else. I would be very specific saying you feel that both of these medications are giving you bad thoughts and are making you feel even more depressed. Ask for a different kind of medication completely. Another thing, make sure you are getting enough rest and eating ok too. It really does make a difference. Make sure you are staying hydrated also. Have they checked your electrolytes and things too? What about hormonal stuff? Seriously, these things can have a big impact on some women too. So, these are just some things to think about. Try to get some fresh air. Listen to some really good music that will put a smile on your face. Meditate or pray even. There are support groups online also.  I listed this site for someone else on MDD, but I think it would really be a good place to join.

http://dailystrength.org/

I will pray that everything will be ok. The light is not far away...just imagine a candle that cannot ever go out...

Peace

Michelle

Yes, that is a spirit of suicide. Things will get better, it might just take a while.

Spiritsfire

Metallee,

You need to call your doctor or have your parents call your doctor on Monday about the Cymbalta. Cymbalta in some people can cause worse depression. Not everyone can handle certain pyschotropic meds (antidpressants, etc.) Sometimes, something that is supposed to work as an antidepressant can make things worse. You are on the verge of having suicidal thoughts, but not having any plans. These thoughts you are having are categorized as passive suicidal ideation if they are recurring over and over again. If it was just a few times that is one thing, if they keep on going then you have every right to be concerned.  So, while you are at this level you need to get extra help. There are crisis lines you can call 24/7 to talk to someone. Here are two websites that have some information.

http://www.suicide.org/suicide-hotlines.html

http://suicidehotlines.com/

I have a little experience in this things. So, I am offering you the best advice I can. Feel free to post on my diary if you need anything or just want to talk ok...Peace

Michelle

Glad you guys are ok.  I didn't realize there were SO many people from Ohio on here.  I live in Columbus and there's no power where I work for at least 3-7 days.

Metallee, I will say a prayer for you before I hit the hay.

Peace and blessings to you

Hi Metallee...wow, it's been forever.  It's been exactly a year since I last logged in...

Anyway, I will be praying for you.  You will be ok.  Definitely talk it out woth your counselor.  Believe me - I've gone thru some things.  It helps to talk to someone who really listens.  Don't worry abut het judging you, she is there to help you. 

Be blessed!

Seraiah

Hey -
So am I, dear.

Ash

((((((((((((((((9Metallee)))))))))))) It sounds like your meds need tuned up! Be sure to tell your doctor how you are feeling! Keep me posted!

 Love, Hugs and Prayers,

       Jewel

Probably should see a doctor. I get bitten and scratched all of the time and if I get infected I usually put hydrogen peroxide on the wound, makes it all better but peroxide is pretty harsh and is not for everyone, but it works well.

Spiritsfire

Yeah you should definitely give it back, doesn't sound like it will work out too well anyway and it's probably best for the cat.  Maybe you should get a nice little puppy, they're sweet :)  Lol but I'm definitely a dog person not a cat person.  Good luck though, and I hope your arm and hand heals fast.

~Tons of love

(((((((((((((((((((((((((Metallee))))))))))))))))))))))))))) Yes, getting disability and moving out on your own is a wonderful idea! 

   YOU WILL GET THERE!

  I'm proud of you for getting treatment and taking your meds...You seem soooooooo much better!

   Much Love,

       Jewel

You can learn to count money.  Like before you go shopping, take a certain amount that you want to spend.  Make sure to bring a calculator too.  Round the price of everything you buy to maybe a dollar higher so you are certain you will have enough.  And the thing that will make it easier is to get the money ready before the clerk asks for it so you won't feel pressured to do it quickly.  You can just hand them the money and that will be that.

And bills really aren't a big deal.  Especially once you get the internet you can just do everything online and that would solve that little problem.  And you can always call your bank to check how much money you have at any time so you won't have to worry about that.

I think you could make it on your own.  You would just need a little help getting situated.  But you are smart and competant and I have faith in you :-)

(((((((((((((((((Metallee)))))))))))) I'm soooooooooooooooo very happy to read this entry...so proud of you for sticking with it...so grateful to God for getting you here! YAY to the Heavens!

    Love,

       Jewel

This entry totally made my day.  I was so hoping that the counselor thing would work out, they can really help change your life around for the better.  You deserve every bit of happiness and freedom! 

~Tons of love

Don't give up, girl. Counseling sessions take time. They're taking notes to keep track of how you are doing so they can help you cope with your emotions.

(((((((((((((((((((((Metallee))))))))))) They are trying to give you a proper assessment so that they can be sure to get the right diagnosis...Hang in there Dear One...It will get easier in time..It will help...You really need the meds!

   Much Love and Many Prayers,

               Jewel

(((((((((((((((Metallee)))))))))))) Call  your doctor and tell them about the side-effects...Remember it takes up ot 3 weeks for an anti-depressant to start working!  Hang in there!

   Much Love and Many Prayers!,

             Jewel

_{depression medication takes like four weeks until you will see the effects of it so hang in there. I know I hated the waiting period. I also hated being tired all the time at first, but its something you get used to without even realising it. Read the warnings and all that because there may some weird side effects that come along with the medication and there may be some to watch out for because it could be bad. When I started my new medication, I shook for like 2 weeks, and then it stopped lol.}

I've had some really bad experiences with depression meds, I've been on Welbutrin, Lexapro, and Prozac.  For me the Lexapro worked best and I didn't have too many bad side effects.  I don't know if I'd stick with that medicine if it's going to make you feel so bad, but then again it's probably too early to know because after a while the side effects should go away.  Best of luck to you.

~Tons of love 

((((((((((((((Metallee)))))))))))))))))) Counciling WILL help...It WILL get easier with time...Just tell the truth so they can help you!

  I'm soooooooo very sorry that your mom said that to you!

   Sending you MUCH LOVE,

            Jewel

I can't tell you how many times my family has made me feel like sh*t.  In ways you remind me so much of myself, it's almost like I was reading something I had wrote.  I share in your pain, you're not alone.  Just by reading your entries lets me know that you're a wonderful, kind, and sweet person and far from being worthless.  Maybe if you try the counseling a little longer and give yourself time to get used to it, you'll start to feel better about it?  Or if you're not comfortable with her you could try someone else?  *Hugs*  I'm rooting for you.

~Tons of love   

Don't let you mom and sister bully you into making you feel that you're a horrible person. Because believe me, horrible people don't write diaries. Horrible people don't have the courage to go for counseling. Horrible people don't give their rats away. Horrible people don't cry.
 Look I've got proof. You are NOT a horrible person.
I've just this read this entry of yours and I am convinced that you are a beautiful and unique person. And beautiful and unique people can't take their own lives. Especially because other people said or did horrible things. You're above this crap, my friend. People as rare as you shouldn't commit suicide, for horrible people. They aren't worth the sacrifice.
 Don'y you have a dream? A dream which will make you strong enough to survive all your problems, a dream worth living for? If you don't have a dream, make one. Close you eyes and imagine all the happy things you want to see happen. It can be something as simple as finding true love, to a dream as complicated as ending all the suffering in the world. Your dream can be ANYTHING.
 Then work out how you'll fulfill that dream. Then fulfill your dream.
Dreams are powerful things, my friend. I'm telling you from experience. Last year, I too was on the verge of suicide. But I didn't do it. I remembered my dream. I remembered that I had to live for it. It takes courage and strength to live. Take it from someone who's been through terrible things.
 Love yourself, for being beautiful, unique and special. Love yourself for your dream. Suddenly life will seem different to you. It will make everything worth it. Hang in there.We're all here for you...

Lots of love,
 Maya

P.S- I don't know if you like music, but there's a song by Cake. It's called 'I will survive'. Check it out.

its okay hon:)its hard, and thats expected but ull get through it. and i dont think the medicine is at fault for kims not smiling or laaughing. after all, the purpose is to help you and make sure u laugh and smile and are happy. ur so strong and brave, and ur gonna be fine;)

((((((((((((((((Metallee)))))))))))))))))) Heart Hugs! I KNOW counciling can be hard at first..But it WILL help!

  I'm so happy that you will be getting on meds...They have given me my life back...taken away suicidal thoughts and the pain of depression! I smile alot...I feel joy alot! 

   It sounds like the cousin may be over-medicated!

   I'm praying for you!

   Much Love always,

     Jewel

It's really a pity that a normal doc wouldn't help her. When I went to the emergency room, over a panic attack, the doctors got me in touch with people that deal with mental illnesses; then I stayed in a mental hospital for three days and they started me on some meds. Since then, life has been hell, but I think finally, things are getting better.

With that said, I'm so glad that you are both getting help. The meds will help you, amazingly well. I'm glad that you are talking to someone too; that will help you cope, too. You can't go wrong seeking help. Alot people refuse help, and I think that it's an issue of pride, when people refuse to get the help they need. I'm glad that you are not one of those people. Stick with it and, in time, you will feel better!

(((((((((((((((((Metallee)))))))))))))) I am sooooo proud of you for going in..I have suspected for years that you have bipolar...Things WILL be sooooooo much better once the meds start working.

   I take lamictal, abilify, zoloft and risperdal...The meds have given me back my sanity and saved my life...I am no longer suicidal and I am able to function and to enjoy life and you will be too!

   What meds are they starting you on? Please let me know when you find out!

   I know how nerve-wracking such an appointment can be..You did fine...How are we to know- when we are ill!?! 

    I will be here to show you support and love..KNOW this is a good thing..a beginning to the end of the horrible lows.

   I love you and am praying for you!,

            Jewel

Just stay calm for the little one!  If it gets real bad since the house doesn't have a basement you're supposed to get under some furniture...like a table.  Everything will be ok, breathe :)

~Tons of love

RIGHT! Think logicaly try and make a list of the top five things you need and make it a game to try and find them that will keep the boyo entertained and halp you prepare. Then go put the kettle on and have a cuppa jst keep ur TV or radio on and listen for updates if you think your in danger then yes go to the safest place in the house you can think of.But KEEP CLAM! you can't think straight in a pannic.

scream.

=]

Men don't hit women, sniviling cowerds hit women. A real man would never abuse, in any form, a woman. Only a little, pathectic CHILD would do that.

Spiritsfire

Red flags? Can you say total disrespectful f*cktard?? How about someone getting ahold of his sad sorry excuse for a man and wail on him till he "gets it" that it's not ok to put his hands on others???

Why don't YOU call the cops on that AZZs Tom?? How dare he abuse your sister and in front of that baby!!!! That baby is being tormented and can't protect himself from the abuse... your sister has a choice and clearly she is not being a responsible parent for allowing that abuse around her child... something needs to be done ASAP to get that creep far far away from that innocent baby... your sister should know better... she may not mind the hurt and the bruises, but that baby doesn't deserve to start his life learning that is how people deal with any issues... I wish your family all the best... do something to interject for the sake of that innocent 2 yr old please!!!! YOU may be his only HOPE for a decent childhood... something EVERY child is deserving of.

[Blewmoon]

((((((((((((((((Metallee)))))))))))))))) I'm so proud of you for seeking help!!!!   You are on the road to feeling better!

   Love, Hugs and Prayers,

         Jewel

Good luck with everything.  So sorry you're not feeling well, I know how it feels.

~Tons of love

Maybe you should talk to Tina and tell her how you feel..

I hope everything works out for the best for you because you don't deserve being sad!

Kiss you,

Olya!

I hope you feel better really soon =)

Hugs,
Dee.

I can understand what you're going through, but was the damage you did to your leg worth it?I used to be a cutter until I came home drunk one night, I went straight to my room(I was 17 at the time) and I cut clean to the bone, severing a tendon also. People act funny because they want to help but don't know what to do or say. You don't need to be ashamed, it was a mistake, we all make them, Everything will be ok.Take care of yourself, go to the counseling sessions and you'll be ok. Don't just go to the sessions, participate in them or it won't work. I hope you'll be ok for the rest of the night. Try to sleep and remember there are alot of us  willing to help. You're not alone. Take care.

Chad

Aww be carefull next time!! don't do this to yourself, it never helps.

Dee.

Damn...:( its okay  i know we dont know each other but ill be a friend (huggs)

   Heart Hugs DearOne...I think that you should see a doctor about your anxiety attacks..I use to have up to 5 a day every day...Now, due to meds, I have NONE!

  Praying that your day is FILLED with BLESSINGS!,

           Jewel

5 pounds!?

WOO!!!!
*highfive*

Good job!

THAT is the CUTEST bunneh ive ever seen!!! my cat does the same thing lol

bun bun

so cute

this entry realy hit a place in my heart and I hope it helps people too

I have had two people in my family try to commit suicide and even though they lived I still ask myself why they felt like that and what I could have done to make it diffrent.  I still blame myself at times eventhough deep down I know its not my fault.

I have thought about what it would be like to be dead but never thought about killing myself eventhough I get depressed alot.

hi

I hope you feel better soon and about the flees try sweeping your mattress and pillows with a sweeper and take the sweepeer out side as soon as your done and take the bag out if possible do it with the sweeper running.  wash your sheets at same time as doing bed.  I hope you find some clothes I know what its like to not have money to buy clothes when you need them. well anyway good luck going to put you in faves hope its ok

no worries my friend, i completely understand :)

just stay as stong as possible while you get through this hard time because it will pass, i promise

Aww they are the cutest little things!  I think if you are feeling overwhelmed maybe you should find some of them a new home and keep 2 or 4.  That way it'll be easier for ya to clean and stuff.  Anyway, I hope you feel better and enjoy that pizza!

~Tons of love

hey

i used to have rats too. i loved them. the first two i had together were both pure white. really sweet...the second two were differnt colors. one was the black and white, the other was a grayish black color. they were so sweeeeet. i miss them...

looks like you have your hands full. how many and what differnt kinds of pets do you have?

Aww she is so cute!  I miss my easter baskets too :(

<3

Well I think getting a younger bunny is better, plus you get to keep them longer :)  And I think they are fine by themselves as long as you give them attention.  I dunno about one being friendlier than the other but I have a boy and he gives me kisses sooo :p  Girl or boy though, both are so sweet!  Good luck :)

~Tons of love

You definitely should get a young bunny. Older ones are harder to tame and they tend to still get snippy even after you've had them a while. I have a female bunny now. I rescued her from a neglectful home when she was a little older and she's okay with people, but she's not one to be held because she was so skiddish when I first got her. So, when you do go to get one, make sure it's not overly crazy or you'll have a hard time doing things with it. All the rabbits I've had have been in seperate pens. I don't think they really get bored as long as they can move around and eat. They make little blocks and stuff for them and they enjoy playing with those. I've had both males and females and I haven't really noticed much of a difference in them.

Also, if you plan on using a regular rabbit water bottle, make sure you keep a good eye on it for the first few days to make sure your bunny's actually using it. Mine refuses to drink out of those things so she has to have a bowl of water. You're supposed to be able to train them to use the bottle, but like everything else, if it doesn't want to, it's not going to.

Good luck with your bunny. If you have any questions or anything, just ask.

male+female=babiessssssssssssssssssssssssssssss

So get 2 young females.

I have a cute stuffed bunny

Aww bunnies are sooo sweet!  I have a gray dwarf bunny and he gives me kisses :)  I also have a cage like that too except it's bigger.  Anyway, I hope you get your bunny soon.

<33

when she sleeps with millions of guys, she is sleeping all there partners.

It is sad... if she keeps it up, the will spread like this.

Beautiful entry [:
enjoy your weekend!!

Dee.

wow i swear today i was really considering it...life just gets so hard sometimes and you can feel like giving up might be the easy thing to do..but just like you said once your gone its no coming back....thats a scary thing..Suicide is a selfish thing your just worried about ending  your problems but just like the movie you watched it hurts others......

love yourself

So true...

I don't understand how some people try kill themselves when other people wished they lived just five minutes more than they did (if that makes any sense)...

My point is, life is a miracle from god and we should not waste it...

nor do i understand depressed people, coz i know that, the way you think is your life... if you wanna be happy, you are the only one who can make yourself happy...

make yourself happy instead of waiting till someone tries to make you happy, cause if you do wait, you'll never get what you want.

If you wanna achieve something you can do it, and it's always a better option than claiming that you're life is bad and you wanna end it... that isn't the answer...

Dee.

Yayyy yewww! youuu got snowww. :] I lurvv the snow. And these pictures are perrrrtty. Snowwww is perrrrtttty! I like the blue one the best though.. I dont know why.. Theres something about it that makes it different from the others.. Maybe its cause its blue. Teehee 

<33 Abby

i actually liked the one that looked blue...it was pretty

all of them were...and cute kid and dogs:D

I had a bad day too.  Feel better sweetie.

<3

I tried to put them together right after i read your comment. I put one of my older mice in the little guys cage, at first they just sniffed at each other and ran around for a little bit, than the older mouse started chasing the little one and i suspect biting it becuase the little one was crying and squealing.

I don't think they get along well.

omg!!they are adorable!! i have some questions. how big is the cage? does it need  alot of cleaning? are they expensive? like how much does their stuff cost? i mean  for onlly two rats. thanks!:)

Awww they're so little and cute!

<33

Those rats are so adorable!! Awww!

That snow is beautiful!  I love snow.

You must have a really good camera, those night picture were great.

Spiritsfire

Great pictures. Just looking at those pictures makes me want to get a baby rat or two. I have mice who are still afraid of me. I've had them since september, and they still run away when I try to pick them up. You'd think they would be alright by now eh?

could just be the fuel pump... usually the transmission won't make the car stall unless it's got a bad valve, which rarely goes.

oh god I though they we're absolutely so cheesy. lol.

awwww....i noe....it sux to lose a nice big entry....lol....but i m glad u got cats......i love animals....i jus hv a dog tho...actually shes not a dog...shes my sweethrt....lol.....i hd a fish...nd a squirrel...nd 3 birds...but da birds flew away...squirrel ran away nd da fish died(RIP).....i <3 ur dogs tho...!!!!

<3333

ooh yes a picture of snow!

I've only seen it twice in my life. Both on vacations up north.

so pretty....

Oh Metallee!  I am so sorry to hear that you are cutting again!  I am sorry that you haven't been able to change your life.  I am alos sorry, sincerely sorry that I haven't been able to be here for you as I was before. 

Yes, I received your card.   I have it right where I can see it from the bed.  I hope to be able to write you a letter soon.  I have not forgotten you.  I am in a spce where I have to concentrate on my healing.  It is a challenge to work on my feelings about my mother, grief for my father, and stay within the physical restraints imposed by my back.  

I love you.  I am still proud of you.  I know the time will come when you will be able to make the necessary changes in your life. 

I loved that chipmunks movie too!  I never liked Alvin, Simon, and Theodore until my group of friends and I were kind of got stuck into seeing the movie ( I Am Legend was sold out).

I even went back a second time with another friend I haven't seen in a while and it was still just as witty and adorable.

I made these and decided to share them with a few people.

Enjoy.

Spiritsfire

I say cat. With a dog they want so much from you. You have to walk them and clean up after them and, depending on the size, you have to worry about them biting you (well, cats bit too but they aren't usually life threatening.) That is just my thought though.

Spiritsfire

I love dogs, but they are a lot of work.  I just got one a month ago and sometimes I feel like I'm going to cry from the frustration, but it's getting better.

i don't know which i'd get, but personally, i'd get a cat judging from the mix you already have.  a comment before me said cats are more independant and easier to train and they're right. 

as for your anxiety, i have a bit of it myself.  i hate making phone calls to people i don't know.  but i just keep in mind that they're people just like me.  and nobody's judging me.  makes it a little easier to make a phone call.

personally I wouldn't get either if I had so many pets, but if I had to choose I'd say a puppy. I love dogs. Get a bearded collie hehe or a huskie

[ShamelessPain]

A) I get you on the anxiety! I am not depressed but I have anxiety BAD about everything!

B) as for pets I have had both, a cat is more independent and if you are away from home a lot then that is the way to go but a dog really loves you and is loyal and they make you happy a cat will love you when it feels like it! :) A puppy can't be left at home a lot and they require more training but I have a dog now and LOVE it sooooooooooooo much! He has made our home a home!